The Sorry Future of Your Entertainment

First things first...The pictures used in the post of GDL are misleading. Alicia Silverstone is only attractive if you prefer the appearance of a relapsing meth addict who just finished a 12 hour shift at a West Virginia coal mine.

I applaud porn for offering a perfect formula for appeasing the audience. On average, how long until the "action" starts? 2 minutes or 3 minutes. Unfortunately, in the future, movies will have to be cut to accommodate the attention span of the average American. Or, movie theater popcorn will be saturated with Ritalin-butter. Outstanding, I am anticipating every movie in the future will have the plot depth and intricacy of Crank, or any other Jason Statham movie.

The running time of the "new" Braveheart will be about 12 minutes. Opening scene is the rolling hills of Scotland. Mel's wife gets cut. Mel fights Army #1. Mel blows fire bolts out of his arse. Mel fights Army #2. Mel's shit is literally fucked up. Movie over. Wow, time to watch Dancing with the Stars, eat a Taco Bell Big Box, and drink a Busch. There are about four good movies (American Gangster, Beverly Hills Cop, Lethal Weapon, and Die Hard) according to the GDL checklist of quality movie components. Have fun watching Lethal Weapon 14 - I Am Way to Fucking Old for This Shit. However, kudos to the buddy cop genre (Mel Gibson/Danny Glover, Jackie Chan/Chris Tucker, Martin Lawrence/Will Smith, Eddie Murphy/Nick Nolte/Judge Reinhold, and arguably Bruce Willis/The Fat Dude from Family Matters). I...Will always love you.

I do not support Cop/Crime solving animal movies...So fuck off Turner and Hooch.

Something which pretty much pisses me right off. Christmas songs on the radio in the month of November. I don't enjoy Christmas songs on Christmas, why would I enjoy Christmas songs for the eight weeks before Christmas? I enjoy listening to pretty much two songs - All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey and another I don't want to admit to. Furthermore, I enjoy All I Want For Christmas Is You, which means I don't want to listen to it twice an hour, every hour, for the twelve days of Christmas.

Christmas songs are fucked up anyway, more to come.

-You should pay me to sign my shit