Blame Ohio for Your Problems

Brady Quinn learned at least one thing from those priests at Notre Dame

Guhh that was long. I'm sure EKB's previous post contained witty insight and quality observations, but it was more drawn out than the plot line of Lost. Halfway through I swear someone started yelling "We have to go back!" over and over.

Let me promise right now that the words 'Peter' and 'King' will never be used together without some derivation of 'cocksucker' adjoining it.

Now to address this Simmons-length post:

Monday Night Football is dead. ESPN, as usual, killed it, but not because of the announcers. If you don't like Tirico, Jaws, and Kornheiser, mute them. Problem solved. No, the reason MNF is dead is because of the sinkhole of suck out there on the field.

Last night, Eagles v. Browns. All the possibilities, and it's Eagles. Versus. Browns. It's a big ball of manly mediocrity jammed into the garbage heap that is Philadelphia. Nobody cares about this game, and if you do, then you're this guy. Congrats.

The Browns have played on Monday three times this year. Three times. That's more absurd than Tom Cruise getting a Golden Globe nomination for his bullshit Tropic Thunder cameo.

There is literally no one worth caring about on that team. Jamal Lewis was relevant in 2001. Brady Quinn is flaming and from Notre Dame.

That's it.

I don't know anyone else on the team, and I'm sure that's the case with 98% of America. The other 2% is from Ohio and knows every player on the Browns, but nothing else.

That said, I don't blame Kornheiser for sucking. On the contrary, I applaud him. You try talking about the Browns for three hours without cursing, saying "Brady Quinn is gay. Let's just get that out there," or having a full-on aneurysm. It's not gonna happen.

Additonally, the "overweight fan" EKB suggested already exists. His name is Jonathan Madden.

I didn't read the rest of the previous post, so you shouldn't either. Clip out my post, put it on the fridge, and dedicate this week to judging Ohio. It's not hard.

-- Bro-shon Moreno